On Winning and Losing

It would be of interest to survey men and women separately as to the notable events they felt were of the greatest influence in their formative years. The academic world might well blush as it is likely sports and particular sporting events or moments would likely be high on the list of the men. Higher than most classroom experiences.

All the usual subjects would be rounded up-- the value of hard work and its correlation with success, surrendering individual for team goals, the importance of preparation and practice, the need for self control during competition, the subtle relationship between athlete and coach and how to take instruction, good sportsmanship, comradeship, how to eat and exercise--and all would be seen as important to some degree among the men surveyed.

The most complex sports lesson, though, is how to win. Physical skills, preparation, practice, diet, training are all important components but not learning how to win can trump them all. And it is not easy to learn because one can not learn to win unless one learns to lose. The heart is tender in the hardest athlete, shy in the gruffest competitor. and can easily protect itself in the shade of indifference. Pledging oneself completely to the task at hand carries great risk as failure can be devastating. So failure--losing--must be understood and managed. While the individual submits completely to the event, he must somehow make his investment total yet contained. He must understand that the struggle is not with his opponent but with himself, to perform as best he can and recognize that and nothing more is at stake and is enough. The outcome is not a judgment, it is a conclusion. The outcome is his own preparation and effort coming to fruition. Sometime the opponent is faster, quicker, stronger and will be victorious; such qualities are unlearned and are gifts of God. But the opponent must never be more committed or more dedicated, he must never fear failure less. Only when one learns that the outcome is nothing personal can losing become tolerable. Then the athlete can dissolve his fear of failure and learn to win.

The same is true of love.