Government Investments. A Modest Proposal

"Government investments." The concept thrills the heart. The sensible, objective and insightful state leadership filters, examines and guides concepts, products and services to some endpoint for the betterment of all.

We know our leaders capable of this; they have survived the personality and appearance wars. We know they are impervious to petty influence--aside from the occasional Fanny Fox and the periodic ethanol debacle. The 7% graft "off the top" of every government program as estimated by the GAO is merely the cost of doing business, great business.

There are certainly precedents. The Axis in the Second World War ran completely controlled economies as did the free world in response but while one succeeded, one lost, so it may not be a great proof. The Pacific Basin nations have strong partnerships with business and, often, seem successful, albeit, in the words of Dylan, "with a little too much force". Our own efforts will bring social awareness and sensitivity to the project so we certainly will succeed.

A modest proposal: There is an obvious problem stalking this great land whose evil tentacles have stretched so far as the sacred Oval Office. To mobilize against such a curse, to place the power and high-mindedness of the government against such a plague, would inspire citizens and prove the value of such government intervention. The evil is, of course, bullying in schools and the vector is large ears. Here a social problem converges with self esteem, education and health care--a perfect storm in a perfect showplace. It would be simple for the government to set up a bureau to evaluate ears, create a norm with standard deviations and unleash the healing power of the American medical system to reconstruct all reasonable candidates' ears to meet the norm and to end school bullying. Labs would be started, statisticians would be employed, new departments in schools created, physicians would be guided away from unnecessary tonsillectomies and erroneous orthopedic surgery accompanied by thousands of support personnel. Jobs would be created; children saved. This first step will prove once and for all of the value of intimate government interaction in our poor lives, emphasizing children rather than toilet size, education rather than ethanol, personal worth rather than stop-start engines.

We will not shirk! We can not fail!